Big News!

I have news. After years, YEARS of bouncing from school to school, moving, losing and gaining credits, I have finally done it. I have finally completed my bachelor’s degree.

There were so many times that I thought it was never going to happen. So many moments where I was ready to give up. I cried when I left the University of Colorado at Colorado Springs with a semester to go because the Hubby had orders. I paused when I had my little man. I applied and got in to numerous universities only to find some road block that kept me from continuing on.

But I kept moving, kept studying and it is finally finished. The sense of relief and accomplishment that I feel are immense.

Downside? I have been sending out resumes and applications around town for about a month (and even prior to graduation) and I have been turned down or heard nothing from every place I’ve applied. I was even turned down by a grocery store and a dog walking company. But, no matter. I’m going to keep this feeling of positivity going because I know everything is going to work out well in the end. Until then I am going to enjoy this feeling of joy and happiness and see if I can make 2019 a year full of positivity and joy.

Years Later.....an intense update.

Hello blog world! It's been so long.

I never forgot about this blog, but it took a lot of effort to remember how the information to sign back into it. It has been a little over three years since I've posted anything here. I'm sure no one reads or even checks this now defunct blog, but I'm back and I hope that maybe I'll find the time to get it back up and running. I loved blogging so much and updating my followers with new recipes, crafts and new fun things happening in my life!

So, here it is, my 3 year update. Buckle up because its a lot.

Summer 2015 the Army moved the hubby to Maryland, so here we are. Its such an amazing place! After 3.5 years in the desert, fighting depression, anxiety, anger, sadness and isolation; I can't begin to explain the weight that was lifted off my shoulders when we drove away from that place. It has taken me time to get myself into a better emotional space and the last few years haven't been without their ups and downs.

Late 2015, my brother was involved in a car accident. He drove drunk and killed a passenger in an oncoming vehicle. My brother was airlifted to a hospital with a blood alcohol level that should have killed him and ended up in ICU for weeks, a combination of the alcohol and injuries from the accident.

My brother was always my rock. Through everything we endured in our childhood he was my protector and someone I knew I could always count on. When I found out what he had done my entire world was turned upside down. I was hurt, angry, brokenhearted for the family he hurt, confused because he was such a good person to make such an awful choice.

Early 2016, I lost my best friend to suicide. I was crushed but never allowed myself to grieve. She was the maid of honor in my wedding, my best friend since we were in middle school. I was angry at myself for not knowing she had gotten so sad. I blamed myself for not being there to help her. A few months after that my dog of 13 years got very ill and, after 3 weeks of vet visits, medications, feeding her through an medicine dropper and lots of praying, the vet urged us to put her down so she would no longer suffer. She had lost 10lbs in a week and could barely walk. We knew it was time. She I was always loved running and being outside so in her final hours with us, I took her outside and sat with her on the patio and told her how much I loved her. It was crushing.

A month after that my brother was finally arrested for manslaughter as a result of the accident. His mugshot was all over my small town, the 5 o'clock news, front page of the paper, online.....everywhere. A trial was scheduled but continued to be pushed back. As of now, his schedule is set to happen in a few months. Years after the accident occurred.  I'm mentally prepping myself for the trip to my hometown and for a prison sentence. In between all these Baby Boy was in the hospital once a month for severe asthma while Snuggle Bug started behavioral therapy for anxiety.

2016 was a year filled with sadness but I never allowed myself to feel it. I stuffed it down and let it fester until December 2016 I had a full meltdown. Everything that had been inside bubbled over. 2017 became my rebuilding year. It has taken a lot of time and effort to get myself emotionally strong. But I know that I am on the path to a better me.

Phew! So, there is the overview of the big stuff.

Snuggle Bug is now 10 years old, Baby Boy is 5, 4th grade and kindergarten. The hubby has been promoted, loving his job and getting closer and closer to retirement. I'm just about finished with my degree in Graphic Design. I'm still crafting, homemaking and cooking and I still take pride in what I do for my family to make their lives better. As you can see from above, its not the idyllic 1950s home, but I try and that is the best you can do sometimes.

I started this blog when I was 22, I am now 32. Its interesting to see just how much I have (and haven't) changed in the last 10 years. I've gained weight, a kid, moved 3 times, lost friends, found friends, lost pets, gained pets......but I'm still here.

Thanks for reading blog world!

Life In the Desert

My poor neglected blog. When I began this blog 5 year ago I was desperate for something to keep me sane during the hubby’s deployment. Now I’m back again desperate for something to keep me sane during our last 6 months in the desert. This has been hard.

Things no one tells you about living in the middle of desert:

1.       Driving 45 minutes to the nearest town doesn’t sound bad until you’ve actually done it. Over and over and over again. Before we moved here I thought, “3 hours from Las Vegas, 2 hours to LA and a little less than an hour to another town? No problem. We’ll be in LA and Vegas all the time!” Ha. There comes a moment when you decide it’s no longer fun to drive for hours to get basic things.

It is a long drive home.

2.       You miss green. Seriously. I miss green trees, green grass, green shrubs….basically any sign of life.

3.       Your tiny oasis can become a tiny hell. When you’re stuck for years in the same very small place what was once I nice getaway from the world becomes a prison. You see the same faces, go to the same handful of places and do the same things daily. People can get catty and rude because they feel as grumpy as you do about being stuck in the middle of the desert. We all seem to take it out on each other and it’s not fun.

4.       The wildlife. There are tortoises. And wild donkeys. And coyotes. And snakes.  The donkeys wander around the neighborhoods, the coyotes look like they’re all on death’s doorstep and I still haven’t seen the tortoises.

5.       You find out quickly who your friends are. The people who will drop anything to help you when there is a problem. I’ve only managed to find a handful of those kinds of people but knowing that I’ve got them makes all the difference.

It’s been a hell of an experience living the middle of the desert and one I’m sure I’ll never forget. It’s been lonely, it’s been depressing but it’s also been eye opening.  I think I’m a better person for it as well. 

Keeping Sane and Being Thankful

Round One. It started in the middle of the night with a loud cry coming from the crib and I knew it was going to be a long night. There I find my sweet Big Man looking up at me, half asleep, burning up, coughing and very upset.  Baby Tylenol and rocking to the rescue…..and a few hours later more crying and coughing and more rocking This cycle continued on a for a while.

The morning comes and fever goes up and down……more coughing……then queue the diarrhea.  And of course there is still crying. I run to the grocery store because we’re out of milk and then attempt to disinfect the house. Then it’s time to pick up Snuggle Bug from school and out comes my sweet girl working on what sounds like coughing up a lung. Round two, here we go.

She’s still too young for cough medicine so, “Here’s a spoon full of honey to help with you cough sweetheart.” Then I accidently drop the contaminated spoon back into the honey. Crap.

“Mommy …cough…I have my show tonight the teacher told ….cough….us to remind our mommies and daddies.” Oh no. Daddy is working until 10pm so there’s no back here. That’s his shift for a while and this is nothing new for us. Army. Hooah. Yeah.

Now unless I plan on letting her cough her way through five songs tonight while I attempt to keep the sick Big Man happy there is no way I can let her go tonight.

Round 3. Lots and lots of crying.  He is crying because he doesn’t feel well.  She is crying because she can’t go to her very first Kindergarten performance so she can sing the songs she’s been practicing so diligently for the last month. The dogs are crying because they want someone to let them outside now. The whole house is crying……everyone but me. I suppose I could cry in this moment of parental stress. I’m disappointed that we can’t go to her performance because I was truly looking forward to watching my sweet girl sing her heart out with her friends. I’m upset that my Big Man is sick because no mother wants to watch their toddler in distress. I’m frustrated that I don’t have a family member or close friend in my community to lend me a hand.

But it’s okay. It’s okay because I’m happy to be a mommy. I’m happy to be here to take care of my children through the ups and the downs. I’m happy and proud that my husband is doing a job that he loves. This is just a tiny blip in the sequence of my life and I know one day when I’m old and grey I’ll look back on these times and think about rocking my baby boy while he falls asleep after a long night and smile. I’ll think about cuddling my Snuggle Bug in a quilt on the couch, popping in a movie and she looks up at me with her big blue eyes and says, “thanks mommy.” That will bring me joy.

What a day. What a previous night. Who am I kidding this is going to be one of those weeks where I end everyday saying, “what a day.”  But it’s just another day in the life of being a mommy and I’m okay with that.